my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
