if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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