you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
