Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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