did you get engaged???
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
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