i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
