Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
There was a lot of him and a little penis
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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