We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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