Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
