I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
