I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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