Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
