you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Let's get the cat blown out
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
