I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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