school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize