Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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