when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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