You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
