At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
