I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
