so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
