maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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