Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
