Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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