Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize