I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
