If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
