I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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