remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
