I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
