you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
