I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
