Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
