i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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