I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My cat gives me a boner
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize