apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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