DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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