remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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