Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
