If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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