Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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