I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
