i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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