why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
