Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
