I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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