so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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