Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
