Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
