you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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