By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize