Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
