I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
