Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize