you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
