"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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