Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Randomize
