Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
