so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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