im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Randomize