I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Do you remember whose house we're in?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
