then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You may now shotgun with the bride
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize