My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
