Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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