I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Enjoy the penises
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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