I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Randomize
