chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
